Contract Or Permanent?

Crave (fragment) Psalm


I sleep your side and make purchases and charge you

bags
and tell you how much I like it you

but still force me to do anything stupid

(...) And I want to play hide and seek

and

give you my clothes and tell you how much I like your shoes and

sit on the edge of the bathtub while bathing

and neck massage make

and give kisses on the feet

and take the hand and go with you to dinner and not

I care that you eat from my plate

and meet you at Rudy's and talk about the day and write your letters

and carry your boxes

and laugh at your paranoia and give you

discs

never hear and see very good movies and bad movies and complain

radio program and make

photos while you sleep and wake up to prepare coffee and toast and muffins

and take you out for coffee at Florent in the middle of the night

and let me steal cigarettes

and you never have

fire and tell what I saw on TV the other night

and escort to the eye doctor

and do not laugh at your jokes

and wish in the morning but let you sleep a little longer and give you kisses when back

and caress your skin and tell you how much I like your hair

your eyes your lips your neck



your chest

your ass and sit

smoking on the stairs until you return your neighbor

and sit smoking on the stairs until you come back and worry if you fall behind

and amazed when you stand

and give you sunflowers and go to your party and dance until

be black and be sorry when I'm wrong and happy when



forgive me and view photos

and want to meet you always

and feel your voice in my ears

and feel your skin against my skin

and be very afraid when you get mad and put a black eye and one blue and your hair

towards
left
and

eastern face and say you look beautiful

and hug when you're anxious and hold

suffer more when

and wish only to smell you and abuse in



touch and moan when you are on your side and moan when you are on your side

and drool on your chest and wrap



all night and feel cold when I take off the blanket and feel warm when you do not

and melt when you smile and laugh disintegrate when

not understand and wonder why I'm refusing to think when I'm not rejecting

and wondering how you think I would be able to dismiss you

and wonder who you are but accept you as

and tell about the angel of the enchanted forest boy who flew over the ocean because I loved you

and write poems

and wonder why I do not think

and have a feeling so deep that it can not find words

and want to buy a kitten

and jealous of him when I get more attention and keep you

in bed when you have to go

and mourn like a baby
when you finally go and empty the ashtrays


and buy gifts that do not want and take them again

and ask you to marry me and tell me that again, but always

seriously from the first time

and wander around the city thinking that without you is empty

and want everything you want and think I'm losing myself

and know that I'm safe with you and tell

worst of myself and try to give you the best because you deserve

and answer your questions when you prefer not to

and tell the truth when they do not want to try be honest because I know that you prefer

and think it's all over

but hold on there for ten minutes until I throw your life

and forget who I am

and try to approach you because it is beautiful learning to know

and effort worth

and talk bad to worse in German and Hebrew

and make love with you at three in the morning

and somehow connect that love



overwhelming unconditional overwhelming




ubiquitous and everlasting

that enriches the heart and frees the mind

that eternal love and this I feel for you

Sarah Kane